The Death of Calypso

Well, she's gone. I called her Calypso, which was pretty ironic since a decade-old Mazda isn't quite the Aphrodite of autos, but whatever. She was a good car. Last Tuesday, I stopped behind a woman on a wet, slick freeway. The guy behind me, however, plowed into my car and sent me slamming into the woman in front of me. Then the guy behind him hit him and there we were-- a four car pile up in rush hour traffic. Trapped in my car, feeling two incredible impacts while I sat helpless to do anything about it, there was no flash before my eyes. And, truth be told, it never occurred to me that my life hung in the balance of those four cars. I felt something I couldn't express so I went with the default: I burst into tears.

(This is what little girls do when they don't know what to do. Thus, you have a lot of crying girls in elementary school. Some habits survive college, sad to say, but fortunately we usually know what to do in most situations and don't revert too quickly during normal life).

When all was said and done, it was the best of possible accidents. Meaning that, if it had to happen, now was the time. And I walked away. A sore neck is nothing compared what could have happened.

I am now in a place where I'm not only partly unemployed, I'm car-less. And the strange thing is it doesn't bother me. I don't know how this works, exactly, but my job, my car, my stuff-- it's all enjoyed with a grain of salt, so to speak. I can only conjecture that none of it defines my life. Who I am with them is who I am without them. So when they leave, or are destroyed, it's not so great but it's not so bad. There are exceptions, but I'm pretty amazed not to be more upset and worried.

People are a whole different story...rough patches with friends, sometimes strangers, drive me mad. I don't understand, but desperately want to. The worst is when it's not your place to say something. So you don't, but the other person misses their cue and figures friendship is fleeting anyhow and walks away.

That is the most defeating moment. A misunderstanding dents my world and it's difficult to function when a friendship is on the rocks. I get confused and hurt in ways that don't just peel off. I'd rather total my car.

And so it goes.

But maybe there's a take away from being smashed on the freeway. First, count your blessings. There are a lot of things I'm grateful for, including the fact that I don't feel any great loss.

Second, I couldn't do anything while those cars crunched mine. It was the sovereignty of God in action. I was stuck, helpless and entirely at His mercy. I think life is more in that vein than we realize. We think we're doing something, but "God is in His Heaven." Accidents, people...He's got His kids covered.